If we could have coffee right now…


By Kathiii from Deviant Art
Image by Easy holiday treats
awkward hug
Image by MF99K on Deviant Art

If we could have coffee right now I would give you the biggest hug known to man.  You on the other hand would probably not return the favour, but rather stand there with your hands by your side very awkwardly. 1 because I don’t think I have ever hugged you in my life. And 2 because you probably didn’t realise how much your absence would affect even your most insignificant of friends. My hands probably wouldn’t fit all the way around you (yes you was always on the slightly chubby side, but hey, it would have all dropped off if you were able to make it through puberty). You have been gone for 9 years now. I know! Where did the time go?

It’s funny back in year nine we wouldn’t have even dreamed about dying so young, then it happened, to you… Was such a huge shock. I didn’t believe it when we found out at school. In fact I remember having a go at a kid for saying you died. How dare he make a stupid joke like that! He said it so nonchalantly, I thought he was taking the mick, so I gave him a piece of my mind. Turns out I was wrong and he was right.

If we could have coffee right now  I would try to get to know you again. Make up for the time I didn’t use way back when… I would ask you your likes and dislikes. I would ask about your family, your sister…

I wonder how they are doing now. I am sure your absence still hurts to the core as much as it did on the day you left. I would ask you about that day. Why did you have to go and explore the river? You would tell me that you couldn’t help it. You were curious, adventurous, a dare-devil. You liked to keep everyone happy and giddy. That curiosity killed the cat.

I would tell you how I still wish up until this very day, that I had decided to walk home with you guys that day. I keep thinking to myself that if I had walked home that day, I would have told you guys to not go near the river. I mean, we had never seen the river so full. Ever! The path was non-existent as the water had overflown the banks. The current was running so fast. Only a miracle could have saved anyone that fell in.

Why didn’t a miracle happen for you?

If we could have coffee right now I would remind you of the time we went ice skating. My cousin came whom you had never met, and you two hit it off like a house on fire. You were skating around the ring hand in hand. I found it so funny, but you was so confident, and so was she. We all had fun that night. I don’t believe I have been ice skating since, (or at least it is the last memory I have of ice skating). You was so good at ice skating too. I never did manage to master skating backwards. You would tell me that only the special ones get to be so gifted, haha. Maybe one day I will learn how, after all, I deserve a shot at being gifted :D.

You know, that ice skating ring is closed now. It is a roller blading ring I believe. I really do wish I had spent more time with you out side of school. But the truth is, as much as I loved you, we were not as close as I now wish we were. I had my close friends (of one I am still close with) and you had yours. But we still managed to talk all the time at school. Those were fun days that we will never get back.

If we could have coffee right now I would tell you that I miss you and still think of you. Though your face is fading and your voice I can no longer hear. And as time goes on, I know you will continue to fade. That knowledge hurts but I know you are still loved in our hearts.

And so as the coffee date ends, and the day comes to a close. The shop keeper will tell us we have to leave, and that no more hot chocolate refills are allowed. I would feel the tears trickle down my cheek. I would hug you. And this time you would hug me back. Because you are going. You are gone.

And we may never meet again. I may never get to see your face.

At least for as long I am on this earth.

RIP Ryan

God bless.

DD x



  1. It can be so hard when someone close to you leaves you. Especially when it is sudden. I hope you don’t blame yourself for what happened. When you wrote about “What if I just walked home with you.”

    It is a dangerous road to walk. The best words I have ever been given are these, “It is, what it is.” It may not seem like much, but over time, it may help more than you’d think.

    Sorry for your loss. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. Really does mean a lot. It is sad that he’s gone. But you are right. It is what it is. 🙂 Truly, I am happen to have known him. Even though it was for a short while.

      Liked by 1 person

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