He had been stood at the doors of the stone built church for some time now. But it was time. He had to enter. He took 3 deeps breaths. In an out, in and out, inhale..
And as the words echoed around his mind “It had to be done”, he pushed the heavy doors open and stepped inside. A strong breeze slammed the doors shut sweeping his grey hair to one side. Goose bumps prickled his skin as they ran along his body. He walked down the aisle strong and steady. Today he was to thank the Lord face to face. The cold stone floor mimicked his movement as the sound of his foot steps echoed around the grand church hall. 5 rows in he came to his favourite seat, on the left hand side. He slowly sat down not realising he had held his breath. Then after a few seconds he inhaled deeply and said,
I don’t know how to express what is going on inside me. And though you understand more than I could possibly try to explain, my spirit is telling me that I still need to get it out. I still need to tell you what has happened, how I feel. What I did.
I killed a man today.
But you already know I am sure. You saw it happen. You were there every step of the way, but you said it would be ok. You said that it would be better if it happened this way. Cause in death there is also new life. In sadness you can create joy. I battled with him for so long Lord. I am sorry it took me so long. But it was the single hardest thing I have ever done. But it had to be done.
I killed a man today.
But I had to kill him. He was stopping me from living. He had me in chains, in a prison of lust. Filled with evil wrath. Poisoned with the envy of what I could(should) have. He made me wear the glasses of pride. He forced me to eat pure gluttony. Though I was a sloth, unable to do what you wanted me to. The evil man filled me with greed. He made me doubt what you told me to be true. This man made me believe that I didn’t need you.
I killed a man today. But it needed to be done.
Imagine he was still here, I’d be under his thumb. Blinded by his passion, his sick demented mind. The thoughts he would express to me. Just the thought of it shakes me up and…
But I won’t think of that now cause I am free. I can only say thank you Jesus. Thank you for freeing me. But it’s not enough to say it, now that my chains are gone. I will show you that I love you. I will follow you, obey you, show your greatness to the world. I’ve been tormented for years. But not anymore. Jesus you gave me the weapons to kill his flesh, his physical being will be no more.
I killed a man. And I don’t regret it.
Though I was reluctant to do it at first, you prepared me well, to fight him till the death. And I thank you Lord I won. You gave me the belt of truth. The breast-plate of righteousness. The shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sharp sword of your word and my path following in your peace. But I’ll say it again Lord. It was the hardest thing to do. I could feel his pain, the agony of dying. He really didn’t want to go. But what’s done is done. It had to be done. For the sake of me and everyone else. This troubled fellow whose life I took will now be no more.
I killed a man. He was full of darkness. That man I killed was me.